Somewhere Over the Rainbow

Dear Ava,

This song will forever remind me of you. I think of you when I hear it, and I smile.

See you later, Ava.


8 Years

Dear Ava,

It’s been 8 years since you left us. Eight years and it’s still a struggle every day, but I think I hide it well. I struggled for a long time before I could get to where I could talk about what happened without getting emotional. I am better now, but the missing you part will never go away. I only let myself be sad on this day – a good friend once told me that holding onto sadness keeps you from being happy, and I would never want you to not be happy.

I’ve seen so many butterflies around me lately. I can’t help but think it’s you sending them and letting me know you’re with me. Thank you for that. I couldn’t have asked for a kinder, sweeter, more loving, or more full of life niece than you. Even when you were nearing the end, when you couldn’t walk anymore, when simple things became difficult for you to do, you always saw what was good, and always made the most of what you had. The one and only time you ever told me you loved me was the last day I saw you. I didn’t know at the time how much I needed to hear that, until you said it.  Thank you again.

Every year since you left, I send your mommy and daddy a little message that I am thinking of them. I never know how they cope on this day. I probably don’t want to know. I can’t imagine what they must go though.

My heart is so heavy as I write this. I want so badly to see you again. One day though, but until then, please come visit.

Love you, sweetheart.

See you later, Ava.


P.S. I wrote this after you left us. I actually forgot that I wrote it until recently when I came across it.

End of June

Close your eyes, sweetheart,

Do not fear what is to come.

No need to fight it,

No need to fear it,

It is only God calling you Home.

The biggest of hearts will break;

But the memories we carry of you,

The indelible mark left upon our soul,

Will keep us going

To keep on living,

To heal these cracks in our heart.

You need not be afraid to let go,

Heaven awaits you

Where you can be whole again,

And live forever.

Heaven Can Wait

Dear Ava,

I wrote this for you after you were diagnosed with cancer. I never got to share it with your parents, or anyone in the family really, not even after you left us. The odds were against you, but I was so absolutely sure you would beat it.


Heaven Can Wait

Little Star,

Little Soul,

Heaven can wait.

Don’t give in just yet…

Your life has yet to be lived.

Precious smile,

Beautiful soul,

Heaven can wait for you.

Hang in there, Little One,

We’ll be waiting for you

When this nightmare is done.

Don’t stop fighting, Baby Girl,

Heaven can wait.


See you later, Ava. ❤️

June 3rd

Dear Ava,

It’s been 8 years already since the last time I saw you. I didn’t know the months leading up to this final day that I would even have a chance to see you again. I got 2 days, and those were the best two days I could have ever asked for.

Thank you for painting my nails, thank you for sharing your ice cream with me, for letting me hold you on my lap, and telling me that you love me with that goofy sweet smile that we all loved.

I have so much more to say to you, but I can’t quite form the words right now. I love you and miss you more than I can even say.

See you later, Ava.