May 17

Dear Ava,

Twelve years ago today my world was rocked. You had been sick for a while, and not knowing what was wrong, not until this day when we found out you had a tumour. I can’t describe the feeling hearing those words. Why Ava? She’s only a baby. We didn’t even know if it was malignant or not, but I was devastated.

That day I was going to take a really important final exam. I didn’t care much about anything after learning the news. I honestly just wanted to drive my car into a wall. I’d rather it be me suffering instead of you.

Twelve years since our lives changed. It doesn’t feel that long. It feels like it just happened sometimes. The pain is still unbearable. I was sad thinking about you last night, but I stopped myself. I don’t let myself be sad except for one day. You know which day that is.

Love you, kid.

See you later, Ava.