It’s been 8 years since you left us. Eight years and it’s still a struggle every day, but I think I hide it well. I struggled for a long time before I could get to where I could talk about what happened without getting emotional. I am better now, but the missing you part will never go away. I only let myself be sad on this day – a good friend once told me that holding onto sadness keeps you from being happy, and I would never want you to not be happy.
I’ve seen so many butterflies around me lately. I can’t help but think it’s you sending them and letting me know you’re with me. Thank you for that. I couldn’t have asked for a kinder, sweeter, more loving, or more full of life niece than you. Even when you were nearing the end, when you couldn’t walk anymore, when simple things became difficult for you to do, you always saw what was good, and always made the most of what you had. The one and only time you ever told me you loved me was the last day I saw you. I didn’t know at the time how much I needed to hear that, until you said it. Thank you again.
Every year since you left, I send your mommy and daddy a little message that I am thinking of them. I never know how they cope on this day. I probably don’t want to know. I can’t imagine what they must go though.
My heart is so heavy as I write this. I want so badly to see you again. One day though, but until then, please come visit.
Love you, sweetheart.
See you later, Ava.
P.S. I wrote this after you left us. I actually forgot that I wrote it until recently when I came across it.
End of June
Close your eyes, sweetheart,
Do not fear what is to come.
No need to fight it,
No need to fear it,
It is only God calling you Home.
The biggest of hearts will break;
But the memories we carry of you,
The indelible mark left upon our soul,
Will keep us going
To keep on living,
To heal these cracks in our heart.
You need not be afraid to let go,
Heaven awaits you
Where you can be whole again,
And live forever.